Hello everyone! I explained that I would share my journey of illness, healing, and faith. This blog post will focus on finding help for mental health. Mental health is often stigmatized. The term may be associated with blame and instability—making you feel as though you are not seen. I prefer the term invisible illnesses. It describes many of us.
The early phase of my illness (including difficulty walking) was blamed for being caused by mental health. After a long search I found out that I had Lyme Disease and Bartonellosis. My illness taught me a lot. One of those lessons being those infections—Lyme disease and Bartonellosis—cause neurological (brain health) issues. Bacteria like Borrelia Burgdorferi and Bartonella can grow and live in the brain, nerves, and spinal cord. They disrupt the body’s ability to think, affecting memory and causing brain fog. Also, it impacts muscle and nerve communication. Although mental health was initially blamed, the infections damaged my brain and nerves. My symptoms were the result of the infection not my thoughts.
Presently, I can recognize that the infection has been treated. My physical symptoms have improved but lingering mental health struggles exist after the trauma of the illness. I regained physical strength and functioning. However, I found myself feeling angry, sad, and withdrawn from others. I was numb from years of surviving during the infection and its treatment. In this second part of my healing process, I was physically able to walk but mentally not wanting to face the day. I wanted to curl up in a tiny ball and not get out of bed. This was a mindset not a physical inability. I recognize the difference between the two.
It is difficult for me to share my life with others. I wanted to be invisible. I wanted no one to know that I had Lyme disease and what my real struggles everyday looked like. Even though this is hard I am going to tell you about living with trauma. I should have been thankful to be alive but being alive became my burden. I felt unworthy and desired not to live anymore. It is a sad and dark place when you feel like you do not deserve the healing that God gave. Instead of being grateful for my ability to survive I dwelled on the negative thoughts that would not leave.
Now that I have shared my sadness and darkness with you. I am going to ask you three questions. You can answer them silently or write them down on paper.
- Do you ever feel sad or depressed?
- Do you live in constant fear or panic?
- Do you feel as though you are not enough?
If you answer yes to any of the above questions you are not alone. I have felt all three of these emotions. When these feelings begin to change how you live and function every day, please seek help from counseling or therapy. There are options even if you feel hopeless. A comprehensive list of trusted providers for every state is not available, but search tools have been provided. Therapy can help you work through and provide support for your invisible illness. Also, consider that infections can cause chronic symptoms affecting mental health.
You can take the first step to making change in your life. It will not be easy, but I know that you can. Never give up no matter the pain or suffering you have endured. You are still here for a reason. You are seen and not invisible.
Faith Encouragement: God is invisible too! If you have never set foot in a church or thought it was silly to believe in something you cannot see. You are invisible and you want people to believe in you.
Resources and Provider Search Tools: